WHAT DO WE WANT? CUTE BOYS
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? maybe in like an hour or so i need to shower and get ready for this
when people say they understand how you feel, it’s usually because they have nothing else to say
not because they’ve thought about the situation you’re in & tried to imagine themselves going through the same things. when someone says i know how you feel, to me it means they know you’re probably having a hard time dealing with it but because they aren’t going through it, they don’t understand how it tears your life apart & makes you sad or upset or even hurt. if you want to comfort someone, try to think how you would feel in the situation, because if you don’t, nothing you say is sincere.
everyone pisses me off.
it pisses me off when you accidentally call me by her name.
it pisses me off when i post something that you’re guilty of & you just say ‘i love you’. like no, i’m fucking pissed &/or irritated with you, so fuck off.
it pisses me off when everyone tells me they miss me, yet do nothing about it.
it pisses me off that people think i’m a bitch when in reality, i’ve been through a lot of shit, i don’t know who i can & can’t trust, yet i still give everyone any number of chances they ask for.
it pisses me off that people think they can fix the shit between us.
it pisses me off when people think that the thing they miss is anything close to how much i miss it, because it was completely different for me than anyone realizes.
it pisses me off that i’m always there to listen to everyone but no one makes sure i’m okay.
it pisses me off that my mom is a bitch & thinks she has control over my life when in reality she doesn’t even have her own shit under control.
there’s so much more that pisses me off & i just can’t even get over it.
it just feels like my life has been falling apart for the past four years & i really don’t feel like dealing with it anymore.
i miss everything about what we had.
i miss when we bought matching carhartts. i miss taking a billion mirror pictures just to get the perfect one, but the blurry ones were always our favorite. i miss sitting in the basement with you or sitting at cottage, watching our boys do stupid shit & laughing at them. i miss going to my second home everyday. i miss when we couldn’t go more than 24 hours without seeing each other, because we were that inseparable. i miss how funny we were. i miss our four way marriage. i miss having a key to your house & feeling more at home there than anywhere else. i miss knowing more about you than i knew about myself. honestly, there isn’t anything i don’t miss about our friendship, except the end, when we saw each other once a week & didn’t text 24/7.
i still remember when we had to stop at mcdicks because we thought we were gonna puke & we got funny stares from the fifty old people on motorcycles. i remember we went home after that & ate everything in your house, then took a nap. i remember almost everything we did together, like the circles that worked that night, but in the end we gave into them anyway. & it hurts every time i think of all of those memories. i hate how i can’t even listen to half the songs i love because it just isn’t the same without you sitting next to me.
i look at your facebook now & hate myself after, because it makes me so mad that our friendship slowly faded away & now you do all these things with everyone else. & i wish i could say all of this to you in person, but i know it wouldn’t make a difference because you’ve moved on & found a new best friend/better half. i’m sincerely happy that you have, because i know you must be happier than i am, but the happiness doesn’t cover the pain i feel whenever i think about it.
maybe i could get over it, if i made the same connection with someone else that me & you had, but i know it’s not possible. no one could ever help me through everything as well as you did. no one understands what’s going through my mind just by looking at me. & that is the hardest part of all of this.
& i just wish everything could go back to the way it was. i wish we still posted on each others wall everyday, signing it with 'wife/soul mate/best friend/other half/sister'
why does everything good have to come to an end?